


Forgive me for what I couldn't do

by BlueSkyStories



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Pining (kinda), Suicide, platonic oisuga, poor oikawa, suga is the mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9662252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueSkyStories/pseuds/BlueSkyStories
Summary: They lost a match and a new disease is spreading and Oikawa gets caught in middle of it all. He doesn't know how to handle things and makes lot of mistakes. Iwaizumi tries to help but makes things just worse.





	1. Chapter 1

He heard the ball hit the floor and the whole hall went quiet. Oikawa just watched mortified at the scene upon him. They lost. They lost to Karasuno. Their volleyball career in high school had ended. All the hard work. Everything he experienced lost in that one moment. He couldn’t pick the ball up. He lost. They lost. Aoba Johsai lost. He could never play with Iwaizumi again. Not with this team.  
His mind went back in time to the late nights when he practised with Iwa-chan until they were so tired they had to lay on the ground before having to leave and go home. He had played volleyball with Iwaizumi for so long. Ever since he first touched a volleyball and became obsessed. He had always been with Iwaizumi.  
The whistle from the referee brought him back to the present. He looked up and saw his whole team crying. Oikawa tried to put on a smile but it was hard. He started to walk to the line.

‘’C’moon guys. We have to line up.’’ Oikawa shouted, his voice sounding a little trapped.  
He watched Iwaizumi and a lump crawled its way to his throat. He tried to swallow it back down as he walked to Iwaizumi and hit his back.

‘’Good work there, ace.’’ Oikawa said and walked past the crying Iwaizumi. He couldn’t cry, not yet.

Oikawa thought he would be bawling his eyes out when he got out of the gym. But he was just empty. The feeling of losing hadn’t caught up yet. They walked quietly to the changing rooms and half of his team was crying. Oikawa’s heart clenched at the sight of his friends and best friends crying. He just walked in and out as soon as he could, wanting to get away from reality. Oikawa didn’t have the heart to see how Iwaizumi was doing so he just walked to the bus.

Oikawa sat quietly in the back of the bus while everyone else was either crying or comforting others. He turned his head to the side where he could see Iwaizumi sniffling a little. He had been crying.

‘’I-iwa-chan..’’ Oikawa tried to call out to his friend but his voice was trapped and all he let out was small whine of Iwaizumi’s name. Oikawa’s brown hair was ruffled up and his face was still a little red from playing. On the other hand Iwaizumi had red eyes and cheeks from crying. His nose was runny with his hair pointing to every direction it ever could. He looked sad and kinda cute. Oikawa felt bad. He wanted to curl on himself and rub his skin off. Everything felt too much. He felt so guilty.

‘’I’m sorry..’’ Oikawa whispered and turned his head to the window.

The same night after the game the tears finally came. Oikawa broke down crying in his room and curled up into a ball onto his bed. He couldn’t control himself. He just sobbed and cried. Why he had to lose like that? Why couldn’t he pick that ball up? He was the reason why Iwa-chan was crying.

‘’Iwa-chan..’’ Oikawa sobbed and fished out his phone. He wrote a short text to Iwaizumi.

‘I’m sorry Iwa-chan. I’m so sorry.’ He selected Iwaizumi’s number and sent it. Oikawa hid under his blanket again until he heard the small buzz of his phone. It had to be Iwa-chan. The thought of talking to Iwaizumi made Oikawa little happier. At least his best friend hadn’t abandoned him like Oikawa had feared after losing to Karasuno. He still felt so bad for letting his team down. Like hadn’t been good enough. Kageyama wasn’t supposed to be better than him. But he was, and Oikawa had lost. He picked up his phone and smiled when he was right. The text was from Iwaizumi.

‘It’s okay Shittykawa. Don’t bawl your eyes out.You’re an ugly crier.’ The text was so Iwa-chan-like and Oikawa couldn’t help but smile a little through his tears.

‘I won’t I won’t, don’t be a meanie, Iwa-chan! And I’m not an ugly crier!’ He looked out of his window and sighed. He was still crying but it didn’t hurt so much anymore. Oikawa laid down on his bed and tried to sleep. After a while he did fall asleep.

 

There had been a lot of commotion about boys volleyball club losing and about two mystery deaths that had happened. Seven people had suddenly just disappeared from school. Oikawa had heard that two of them had died because of some disease. He wasn’t sure what disease. And when the five remaining people started attending school again some of them didn’t talk to any of their friends ever again. Like they didn’t know them anymore. They did have a memorial for the two students who died. The whole school was in some kind of a shock and Oikawa was too even though he didn’t know any of the seven students.

Oikawa tried to find Iwaizumi to talk about this and after a while he found him sitting in his class. Oikawa tried to get the deaths out of his mind, hoping that after a while he could forget it completely. It wasn’t nice that he had to think about deaths and the fact that he wasn’t the captain of Aoba Jousai’s Boys Volleyball club anymore.

‘’Hey Iwa-chan. Have you heard about the deaths? It makes me a little worried that we don’t know much about what has happened. One girl in our year died. And I think one boy from the second year died too?’’ Oikawa babbled while leaning on Iwaizumi’s table.

‘’Yes, I have heard Shittykawa. And what does this have to do with anything?’’ Iwaizumi said without looking at Oikawa.

‘’Well of course I’m interested when something like this happens in our school! How mean can you be Iwa-chan?’’ Oikawa whined, looking insulted and leaning closer to Iwaizumi. For some reason Iwaizumi was being really indifferent about those deaths. It made Oikawa feel slightly worried.

Iwaizumi just huffed and slapped Oikawa’s hand little, making the setter jump and then laugh a little. Iwaizumi was really acting a little weird. Oikawa squinted his eyes but didn’t voice his doubts.

‘’Whaat? Iwa-chan why did you slap me? Did I say something wrong?’’ Oikawa asked grinning. He knew how Iwaizumi hated when he leaned really close into his own space. But in back of his mind he couldn’t help but wonder why did Iwaizumi push him away so harshly.

‘’Go to your own table Oikawa.’’ Iwaizumi grunted and turned his head to the front of the class where the teacher had walked to. Oikawa laughed and shrugged some while walking to his table. If Iwaizumi was still mourning their loss Oikawa could not do anything about it until Iwaizumi told him what was wrong. That didn’t stop him from worrying. His seat was in the second last row. He noted that only one girl sat behind him when he walked up to it.

The rest of the day went past in a blurr. Oikawa was still feeling bad from the loss and tried to stay awake. He slept quite poorly last night. And maybe because he was so sleepy he found himself watching Iwaizumi more than the blackboard. Iwaizumi looked surprisingly handsome today. Oikawa shaked his head to get rid of those thoughts. It was just because he was tired.

 

Next day everyone had to go to the ceremony hall to listen to some important thing. Oikawa had no idea what it would be about as walked to the hall with Iwaizumi and Hanamaki. They sat down and listened to the important looking man on the stage. The whole school had been summoned to the hall so it was really full.

‘’Hey everyone. My name is Yamamoto Yuuri. This is something really important so I wish everyone would listen to me.’’ The man who introduced himself as Yamamoto started without waiting for the talking to stop. Oikawa was fidgeting in his seat. He had a bad feeling about what the man was going to talk about and wanted to turn to Iwaizumi so he could lean on him but he couldn’t do that, could he? So Oikawa just wished it would be over soon.

‘’I believe you guys have been wondering why seven of this school’s students stopped coming to school for a while and why two of them died. Both cases are linked to this.’’ The man says with raspy voice. Oikawa glances at Iwaizumi and silently asks if this could be about the disease they had talked about yesterday but only got a shrug as an answer which made him frown. Iwaizumi should be more interested in this. It was important and that disease had already killed two people. Yamamoto started talking again so they turned back towards the stage to listen to what he had to say.

‘’We have found this new disease called Hanahaki and even though it’s still a very rare one, anyone can get it. The symptoms form three stages with the first one being coughing up flower petals. The second stage is coughing up petals and blood and maybe even almost full flowers. The third and final stage is full bloom flowers. After the third stage you die from suffocation. The cause of this disease is unrequited love. We have found two ways to cure this disease. One is a surgery which makes you forget all the feelings you had for the person and all your memories regarding to that person. The second way to get cured is to confess and get your feelings returned but it’s really rare to get your feelings returned so I recommend that everyone go to see a doctor as soon as you start noticing the symptoms of Hanahaki so you can be cured. After you start coughing up blood it will be too late to get the surgery anymore. There has been nine cases of this disease in your school and two of them led to the patient’s death. Any questions?’’ Yamamoto finished his talk and looked around.  
Someone raised their hand and he gave them permission to talk.

Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a little sceptical about the disease. How could someone start coughing up flower petals because of unrequited love? It sounded ridiculous. He turned to Iwaizumi to say that this whole thing was stupid but noticed that he was looking really serious. Oikawa shut his mouth, baffled. Why did Iwaizumi look so serious?

‘’How long are the stages?’’ A soft voice of a girl spoke up. Oikawa looked at the girl and then turned his gaze back to the man on the stage. He had a dark suit and light brown hair, looking quite young. Maybe under 30. Oikawa was about to turn to Iwaizumi to comment something when the man spoke up again.

‘’Hmm. Good question. The first stage can take up to 2 months to develop into the second stage. The second stage can take up to 3 weeks before it turns into the final stage but after you cough up you first full bloom flower even getting the feelings back from you love won’t save you. You will die after 3 minutes from coughing up the flower. You might die faster but the longest you can survive after that is 3 minutes. The length of stages can vary but the times I told you are the maximum time it takes for the stages to form into the next one after coughing up the first flower petal. Please go to a hospital as soon as you notice the symptoms. Any more questions?’’ Yamamoto explained. When no one raised their hand he continued his explanation. A shiver ran through Oikawa when he thought about how short those stages could be. He could die in 2 days after getting the disease. But it wasn’t real right? It couldn’t be real.

’’No? Okay then. Let’s keep a small memorial for those who died to this.’’ Everyone was quiet for a minute and then they were dismissed. Oikawa stood up along with his friends and walked out, dazed and just a tiny bit of scared.

 

 

In the class Oikawa looked around and everyone seemed to be a little spooked. Well, who wouldn’t be? He sat down on his chair and heard a small cough from behind him. Oikawa was instantly worried so he turned around and saw a small girl. She had light brown hair and beautiful green eyes, making Oikawa automatically smile a little just by looking at her. She was quite pretty. He thought that she could have been the same girl that asked the question earlier. And she had a flower petal in her hands. A light rose colour that was really pretty against her pale skin. Oikawa’s heart sank little at the sight of it. It just couldn’t be...

‘’Hey is that..?’’ Oikawa asked, voice thick with concern. The girl looked up to him with eyes flashing in panic.

‘’I don’t know. This is the first time. What do I do?’’ she whispered quietly.

‘’Go to the nurse okay? The faster you get some treatment the better.’’ Oikawa answered, voice a little shaky. He was shaken by the fact that Hanahaki was actually real. The girl nodded and shakily stood up.

‘’Please stay quiet about this Oikawa-san.’’ She whispered and slipped out of the classroom. Oikawa stared after her with wide eyes. It was real. Hanahaki was real. He just witnessed it. He hadn’t believed it at first but now he had to. He shook his head and turned back to face the front. What just happened?

 

After classes Oikawa went to the gym only to realize that he was not part of the volleyball team anymore. He looked sadly towards the gym door and the turned away only to bump into Iwaizumi. His bad mood disappeared immediately at seeing his best friend.

‘’Iwa-chan!’’ Oikawa cheered happily. He hadn’t seen his best friend after the Hanahaki information. Wait where had Iwaizumi disappeared? They were in the same class and Oikawa thought he had gone back with Iwaizumi.

‘’Where have you been? I didn’t see you at lunch or in the classroom.’’ Oikawa asked poking Iwaizumi’s chest.

‘’Stop that Shittykawa. I was talking with my new student. I started tutoring.’’ Iwaizumi said.

‘’And you should put on your scarf.’’ he continued, hitting Oikawa with his scarf.

‘’Put it on. Let’s go home.’’ Oikawa smiled cheerfully and took the scarf from the other, wrapping it around his neck. It was quite chilly outside already.

‘’Thank you Iwa-chan!’’ Oikawa exclaimed happily and jumped on Iwaizumi’s back. “Carry me home~!”

‘’No way in hell.’’ Iwaizumi responded by shaking around to make Oikawa fall down. When he did Iwaizumi turned around and continued his walk home.

‘’Mean!’’ Was the only thing Oikawa said before running after his best friend. His chest was warm with affection. Iwa-chan was indeed his best friend.

‘’But did you really start tutoring? What’s your student like? A girl? A boy?’’ Oikawa started asking once he caught up with Iwaizumi.

‘’Yes I did Shittykawa. Did you not hear me? And my student is a girl. She seems nice and I get quite good amount money from it.’’ Iwaizumi said and bumped to his friend to get him stumble a little.

‘’A girl? Is she cute?’’ Oikawa questioned, curious. He felt a small twinge of jealousy but shrugged it off.

Iwaizumi nodded. ‘’Yeah. She’s cute. She has some freckles on her cheeks. I would call her beautiful even.’’ Iwaizumi said. He had a small blush on his face which made the other third year frown.

‘’Okay. Can I meet her someday?’’ Oikawa asked. He wanted to see this girl. He wanted to see that what kind of a girl his Iwaizumi was hanging around.

‘’No.’’ Iwaizumi said. It was so clear denial that even Oikawa couldn’t start arguing with it. And what had he meant by His Iwaizumi?

 

 

 

The next day the girl who normally sat behind Oikawa was absent. He thought that it was a good sign because hopefully that would mean she got the surgery. Oikawa was still worried for her since in the worst case they would have to hold another memorial and he really wasn’t feeling like dealing with more deaths.

‘’Thankfully I can never get Hanahaki. I have never felt love towards anyone.’’ Oikawa whispered to himself. He couldn’t help but wonder. Who she was in love with? Some guy in their class? Or someone younger? Maybe she liked older people?

Thankfully he didn’t need to wonder for long since in the next period she walked into the classroom and was greeted by her friends. Oikawa sighed with relief. It looked like she was fine and the surgery had been a success.She walked to her seat and sat down. Oikawa turned around and smiled at her.

‘’Welcome back. How are you feeling?’’ Oikawa asked with soft voice. The girl looked little confused.

‘’Excuse me if I’m rude but who might you be?’’ She asked with sweet voice. Oikawa looked horrified the only thing ringing in his mind was Yamamoto saying that if you get the surgery you will forget everything about the person you had had those feelings for. Which meant that she had been in love with him. He suddenly felt sick and weak.

He stood up and ran out of the classroom, heading to the roof while dialing Iwaizumi’s number. Oikawa was in the verge of having a panic attack. He was breathing fast and his head was reeling. Thankfully it didn’t take long for Iwaizumi to answer. He got a gruff from the other side.

‘’Iwa-chan.. Come to the roof, please..’’ Oikawa pleaded with a soft and trembling voice. He was crying,shocked from the fact he caused someone to get Hanahaki. Soon Oikawa heard some steps coming up the stairs and saw Iwaizumi running to him. When Iwaizumi saw Oikawa crying he kneeled next to him and asked what was wrong with a voice thick of worry. It made Oikawa’s chest feel warm.

‘’One girl from our class got Hanahaki because of me. And now she doesn’t remember me at all.’’ Oikawa murmured while sniffling. Iwaizumi just huffed and sat down. He leaned back and let out a long sigh.

‘’And here I thought you got it. Don’t scare me like that Shittykawa.’’ Iwaizumi said, ruffling Oikawa’s hair a little. Oikawa just looked at his best friend with a fond smile.

‘’Don’t be so mean! I was scared for her and I was the reason she got it in the first place!’’ Oikawa whined but he was already feeling better.

‘’Hey Iwa-chan. Want to come over today to watch a movie with me?’’ Oikawa asked, eyes sparkling. He wanted to spend some time with Iwaizumi to get his mind off of Hanahaki.

‘’Sorry I can’t. I have tutoring. She comes over to my house to study math.’’ Iwaizumi said and stood up, moving to lean against the railing. Oikawa joined him soon, disappointed. But what could he do. If Iwaizumi had to tutor that girl, then he had to and there was nothing Oikawa could do about it.

‘’Okay. Hey Iwa-chan. Will you tell me if you get Hanahaki?’’ Oikawa questioned, concerned. He wanted to know if Iwaizumi ever got the disease. He didn’t want to lose him. Iwaizumi just nodded.

‘’How about you?’’ Iwaizumi asked without looking. Oikawa just smiled and nodded.

‘’Of course I will. You are my best friend.’’

 

Later that day Oikawa saw Iwaizumi and his student from his window. They were sitting next to a huge window. She certainly was pretty and she looked like she was just Iwaizumi’s type. Small with shoulder lenght hair. Her smile was cute but not as pretty as her tutor’s. Seeing his best friend smile like that made Oikawa’s gut drop. Iwa-chan rarely smiled around him and now he was smiling with that girl.

‘’Why do I react like this? Of course he’s gonna smile around a cute girl. He might even fall in love with her. He told me that she was nice and pretty.’’ Oikawa muttered to himself but it made him want to cry. Of course he wanted his best friend to be happy but seeing it like this hurt. Why did it hurt so much? Oikawa wasn’t sure. He walked away from the window, grabbing his volleyball and started tossing it a little. It always calmed him down.

But now it was full of sad memories. He sat on his bed and looked at the ball in his hands. Volleyball had always been a thing that he had sheared with Iwaizumi. But it wasn’t anymore. He would never be able to play in the same team as Iwaizumi again. He felt tears swell up in his eyes so he stood up and walked to the window just to see Iwaizumi laughing with the girl. Oikawa’s chest felt tight.

Then he got the urge to cough. A tight feeling in his chest and throat. His hands flew up to his mouth when felt something crawling up his throat. Oikawa’s eyes started watering. Then the coughing fit hit him. He coughed for good five minutes. After the coughing fit Oikawa looked at his hands just to see one petal of a white rose. He looked at it, horrified. That one petal was very beautiful against his slightly darker skin. He smiled sadly and looked out of his window and whispered:

’’I’m sorry Iwa-chan. I can’t tell you about this.’’ He opened his window and let the wind take the petal with it. Oikawa watched the white rose petal dancing in the wind until he couldn’t see it anymore and closed the window when it disappeared from his sight. His cheeks were still wet.

 

The next day Oikawa looked a little pale on his way to school. He wasn’t feeling too great but it might be because he couldn’t sleep at all. He had just mused over the petal and his feelings. At some point he had fallen for his best friend and he was still a little shocked over it. Why he had to fall for Iwaizumi? He had no way of getting cured. Iwaizumi would never respond to his feelings and he just simply could not forget him. What would be left of him if he did? Oikawa didn’t want to think about this now. He would think about it later.

‘’Shittykawa? Are you even listening?’’ Iwaizumi asked even though it was clear that he wasn’t.

‘’Sorry, what did you say?’’ Oikawa asked, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

‘’I asked if you wanted to watch a movie today. Are you okay?’’ Iwaizumi asked and stepped a little closer to look at his friend. To him Oikawa looked pale and worried.

‘’What is it Oikawa?’’ Iwaizumi asked, clearly worried. His friend rarely looked like that.

‘’Sorry I didn’t sleep too well last night.’’ Oikawa answered truthfully. But why he couldn’t sleep well was something he refused to tell to Iwaizumi.

‘’But yes I want to watch the movie.’’ Oikawa said with a smile and felt excited already.

‘’Okay. Let’s see at the gate after school.’’ Iwaizumi said and hurried away. He had another class across the school. Oikawa walked to his own class while smiling to himself.

 

 

 

After school Oikawa waited for Iwaizumi who was running little late. He tapped his foot and huffed. Iwaizumi was rarely late. The spiker had been acting weird for couple of days already. He wondered what had happened. Soon Iwaizumi was walking towards him, looking a little pale.

‘’Finally Iwa-chan! What took so long?’’ Oikawa asked pushing himself off the gate.

‘’Sorry, went to the bathroom. Shall we go?’’ Iwaizumi stated and walked past Oikawa.

‘’Yeah! I thought we could watch some sci-fi! Like Star Wars!’’ Oikawa chimed as he ran after Iwaizumi.

‘’You have seen those movies at least a thousand times Shittykawa.’’ Iwaizumi said, hitting Oikawa’s arm.

‘Yeah but you can never get bored of them!’’ Oikawa said cheerfully.

Iwaizumi shook his head a little and smiled. ‘’Fine we can watch Star Wars.’’  
They reached Iwaizumi’s house and Oikawa was practically bouncing up and down. Iwaizumi sat down on his bed and took his remote, switching on the tv. Oikawa laid on the bed while beaming. He was really excited to see Star Wars for the thousandth time. The movie started and they sat quietly next to each other. Well Oikawa was laying on his stomach and Iwaizumi was sitting next to him.

After half an hour Oikawa suddenly sat up and started coughing, moving a hand to cover his mouth. He almost doubled over and Iwaizumi was on his side in a blink, patting his back.

‘’Oikawa?’’ Iwaizumi asked, worried. He was still patting the coughing Oikawa’s back. After the coughing stopped Oikawa pulled his hand away and there were two white rose petals in his hand. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. He looked at Oikawa whose eyes were running due the intense coughing.

‘’Hey Oikawa is that…?’’ He asked, voice trembling slightly.

Oikawa just nodded and slowly rose up, walking to the window and threw the petals out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst starts and Oikawa's hanahaki is spreading quickly. He's running out of time to make decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the start of the angst. I'm gonna write 4 chapters instead of 3 since I got nice idea for the last one. Thanks so much for reading! Sorry for taking a forever

‘’Oikawa you need to get the surgery.’’ Iwaizumi said. They had paused the movie after Oikawa’s coughing fit and now sat talking on the bed. Oikawa looked really uncomfortable. He was still holding his shirt and hiding his mouth behind his hand. 

 

‘’Iwa-chan I’m sorry I can’t.. I can’t get the surgery done.’’ Oikawa argued while looking at his hands. He wanted to flee from Iwaizumi’s room and away from his worried look. 

 

‘’And why you can’t get the surgery that could save your life?’’ Iwaizumi asked, sighing. He was rubbing his head slightly and already looking done with Oikawa.

 

‘’It’s scary. I don’t know what I’m gonna be like after it.’’ Oikawa said quietly. He was trembling and nearly crying. He wanted to run so bad. Away from the truth. Away from Iwaizumi.

 

‘’Shittykawa it’s not scary. I’m still gonna be here. You are gonna forget that girl soon enough. You can live without her.’’ Iwaizumi said reassuringly but the words cut deep into Oikawa. Of course he would live without some girl but he could not live without Iwaizumi. 

 

‘’I just don’t want to forget..’’ Oikawa whispered. He wanted to believe that Iwaizumi was gonna be with him after the surgery but he didn’t know if he was gonna be with Iwaizumi. 

 

‘’And why in the hell didn’t you tell me right away?’’ Iwaizumi said and hit him. He was worried. If he had lost Oikawa before he could talk him into taking the surgery, he didn’t know what he would do. Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa wouldn’t want to take the surgery. He wouldn’t want to forget things so easily. 

 

Oikawa was silent for a long time before he sat up and grabbed his bag and walked to the door as fast as he could. He looked scared and on the verge of panic. Iwaizumi was starting to stand up but Oikawa’s denying hand stopped him. 

 

‘’I didn’t want you to worry. Sorry, I’m tired. Gonna go home and do my homework and sleep. Bye Iwa-chan.’’ Oikawa said hurriedly and almost ran out of the house to his own.

 

Iwaizumi just sat on his bed, dumbfounded. He didn’t know what to do at all. He wanted to go after Oikawa but he just couldn’t bring himself to. Iwaizumi rubbed his face, groaning. What was he supposed to do?

 

____________

 

Oikawa shut his door behind him and collapsed on the floor. Fuck fuck fuck. Iwaizumi knew now. He could not hide it anymore. What could he do? He couldn’t take the surgery. He just couldn’t take it. He would rather die. Hopefully he had a month or two before he was going to die. Oikawa felt panic crawl to him. He hugged himself as he started crying. 

 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Air burned as it went past his lungs and back out. Everything hurt. His vision was blurred by tears and panic. His chest was tight and it hurt like hell. He wanted to claw his way out of this. He didn’t want to die. He wasn’t going to die, right? This wasn’t real, right? This couldn’t be real. All of this had to be a nightmare. His head started reeling and after a while Oikawa blacked out and slept on his floor for couple of hours. 

 

When Oikawa woke up, he crawled off of the floor and onto his bed. His lungs and eyes were sore as well was his body. He coughed up couple pedals but he let them drop on the floor. His head was a mess but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He was tired. Tired of all this. Tired of life always throwing things at him. He fell back asleep soon enough, exhausted after crying for so long.

  
  


____________

 

The next day Oikawa woke up slowly, feeling awful. He hadn’t felt this sick since he had a high fever five years ago. He decided that he would just skip school. But he had an important lesson today so he slowly rose up and went to the bathroom to get himself ready. He looked horrible. The face that was looking back at him in the mirror didn’t look like him. His eyes were red and puffy and he had dark circles under them. Oikawa’s hair was a mess and he was pale like a sheet. He tried smiling little but that caused him to cough up couple petals. After throwing the flowers away he washed his face and brushed his teeth in hopes of feeling better. It didn’t help much. Oikawa walked out of the bathroom and went to his room to put on his school uniform. It was already 8.03 am. 

 

Oikawa left his house and was greeted by Iwaizumi, who was waiting outside his house and leaning against a wall.

 

‘’Morning Trashykawa. How are you feeling?’’ He asked voice stern but Oikawa could hear the worry. 

 

‘’I’m totally okay.’’ Oikawa said. His voice sounded rough and weak. It didn’t sound like Oikawa at all. He walked past Iwaizumi, feeling horrible and awkward. He didn’t want to look at his best friend. 

 

‘’Oikawa. What is it? You should stay at home. You look even uglier than usually.’’ Iwaizumi said, stopping Oikawa. Iwaizumi’s hand felt warm against his. Oikawa felt a small twinge of pain in his chest. Sigh, he was in love, wasn’t he?

 

‘’Mean Iwa-chan~ I’m pretty. And I’m perfectly fine. Let’s go.’’ Oikawa said and started walking again. Iwaizumi followed him when he couldn’t stop Oikawa from moving. 

 

Oikawa walked towards the school until he had to stop and cough. Two small rose petals flew out of his mouth, wet with spit. He threw them aside and glanced over to Iwaizumi. He looked worried but didn’t say anything. 

 

‘’Oikawa. You really should take the surgery.’’ Iwaizumi said after a while of silence. He stopped forcing Oikawa to stop too. 

 

‘‘Don’t say that.. I don’t want to take it. I don’t know what will be left of me if I do.’’ Oikawa murmured. He felt ready to cry again. Why did it hurt so much to hear Iwaizumi say that he wanted him to take the surgery to remove his feelings for him? Well, Iwaizumi didn’t know Oikawa had this bloody disease because of him. He thought it was because some meaningless girl.

 

‘’You will still be Oikawa Tooru. It’s not like you will miss a huge part of your life along those feelings. You will still be my best friend.’’ Iwaizumi tried to reason with Oikawa to get him to get the surgery done. It would save his best friend. He already knew that it would be hopeless to try and get Oikawa to confess.

 

‘’You don’t know that!’’ Oikawa said loudly, almost whining. He didn’t want to hear these things from Iwaizumi. Oikawa turned around and ran. Ran away from Iwaizumi. He heard his name being called and he could almost swear he could hear a small cough. Oikawa turned to look at Iwaizumi, who was jogging after him, looking fine.

 

________________

 

Oikawa was feeling even worse by lunch. He was getting paler and paler by the hour. Iwaizumi was talking with his student. He looked like a good tutor and the girl was casually leaning towards Iwaizumi, laughing with him. Oikawa wanted to rip her away from Iwaizumi. He wanted Iwaizumi for himself. But how could he? He wouldn’t have much time left. Oikawa placed a hand over his heart and felt it bump steadily. It didn’t sound like a heart that was dying. It gave some reassurance to Oikawa. 

 

Oikawa didn’t realize that he was crying until someone asked if he was okay. He lifted his hand to his cheek to touch the warm water that was sliding down. Oikawa started wiping his eyes but the tears wouldn’t stop. 

 

‘’Are you really okay Oikawa-san?’’ Some girl asked worriedly. She leaned closer to wipe some tears away. He tried to nod but sobs started to escape his throat. 

 

‘’I’m..’’ Oikawa started but he couldn’t finish the line. He started sobbing loudly. He rose up and ran towards the bathrooms. Hoping that Iwazumi hadn’t seen him cry. Of course luck wasn’t on his side. 

 

‘’Oikawa!’’ Iwaizumi shouted, running after him. Oikawa got to the bathrooms and locked himself into a stall. He crumbled down and hugged his legs while crying. He could hear Iwaizumi walking inside the bathroom and to the front of the stall Oikawa was hiding in. 

 

‘’Oikawa.’’ Iwaizumi sounded so calming but still so worried. He tapped gently onto the stall door. 

 

‘’Open up. Let me in Oikawa.’’ Iwaizumi pleaded. Oikawa was just sobbing on the dirty, nasty floor but couldn’t care about that right now. 

 

‘’I-Iwa-chan…I-I’m scared…’’ Oikawa sobbed out. He was trembling against the door. 

 

‘’I know you are. Open the door Tooru. I will protect you.’’ Iwaizumi spoke in a comforting tone. Oikawa turned and unlocked the door to let Iwaizumi inside. Iwaizumi opened the door and slid inside and onto the floor to hug the crying Oikawa. 

 

‘’I’m scared.. I don’t want to..’’ Oikawa mumbled while hugging Iwaizumi. This was like when they were kids and Oikawa got scared of something and Iwaizumi had to hug him to get him to stop crying. 

 

‘’Oikawa breathe. Deep breaths.’’ Iwaizumi said, bringing him closer. He hoped Oikawa would stop crying. It always hurt to see the always smiling boy crying like this. Even if he did cry pretty often.  

 

Oikawa took one shaking breath only to start coughing again. He brought his hand to his mouth and coughed hard. His eyes were running even more and he couldn’t breathe. He just coughed. Petals flew out to the bathroom floor and onto Iwaizumi sticking to his shirt. Iwaizumi just stared at Oikawa and slowly rubbed his back to ease the coughing. When Oikawa stopped coughing he took in a deep breath and let out a shaky one. His chest was hurting bad. Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi with scared eyes. 

 

‘’Oikawa..’’ Iwaizumi started but Oikawa shook his head. 

 

‘’Please don’t, Iwa-chan. I don’t want to hear it.’’ Oikawa whispered. He tried to stand up but his legs were too wobbly to carry his weight. So he slumped on the toilet lid. Oikawa huffed, annoyed. He was starting to get annoyed with everything. This hanahaki thing was getting ridiculous. It didn’t make any sense. 

 

‘’Shittykawa listen to me. You need to get the surgery done. It’s gonna be too late soon.’’ Iwaizumi tried once again, looking at his suffering friend. He had stood up and was now hovering over him. Suddenly Oikawa got a wave of energy filled with rage and stood up against Iwaizumi. 

 

‘’No, you listen. I can’t take the surgery. I don’t want to. I have no fucking idea what will be left of me! How can you ever understand what I’m going through Iwa-chan!’’ Oikawa shouted, shoving Iwaizumi out of the way and stomped out of the bathroom. He was really mad. Iwaizumi could never understand what was going on in Oikawa’s mind. 

  
  


________________

 

Oikawa sat in his classroom, unable to focus. There was a nasty burning feeling in his chest. It felt like it was on fire and it made him want to rip it out of his chest. Iwaizumi hadn’t come to the class after Oikawa had gotten mad and him and shouted at his face. It made Oikawa feel slightly guilty but he was right. At least he hoped he was. He just couldn’t take the surgery. But what if he did? Could he still be friends with Iwaizumi after that? Could they wipe off over 10 years of friendship and start from a clean table? Would it be possible? But then Iwaizumi would know that Oikawa had been in love with him. Of course he wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. 

 

The surgery was out of question then. There was no way he could do something like that. Oikawa wanted to talk to someone about his feeling and stuff he’s gonna do. So it’s time to call Sugawara and talk to him. Sugawara Koushi was one of the more surprising friends to Oikawa but he was a blessing. Suga always was eager to listen if Oikawa had some troubles and he gave the best advice ever. And he always gave those delicious cookies. Oikawa took his phone out and typed a short message to Suga. 

 

‘ _ Can you meet me today? I have something important to discuss. -Tooru’  _ Oikawa sent the message. He sighed and hoped that Suga didn’t have anything important to do today. The whole class went completely over Oikawa’s head. He didn’t listen at all. His head was too full of other stuff to even think about the math they were studying. Thankfully it didn’t take long for Suga to answer. 

 

‘ _ Sure. Where do you want to meet Tooru?’  _ Suga’s text said, making him smile slightly. He thought where they could meet. Not a cafe. There would be people listening. 

 

_ ‘Can we meet at your house? I don’t really want to risk being overheard. Prepare the cookies!’  _ Oikawa typed out. He was anxious about Suga’s reaction but it couldn’t really be that bad. It would be refreshing to talk to someone about his feelings and ask someone’s opinion on this. Oikawa didn’t want to lose Iwaizumi. He didn’t want to. But he didn’t want to die either. So if he could keep Iwaizumi and stay alive that would be the ideal? But how? His phone buzzed to inform him that he got a text. 

 

‘ _ I’m okay with that. Are you coming straight from school?’  _ Oikawa smiled and hoped that everything would go fine. The burning got slightly worse but he ignored it. 

 

‘ _ See you then Koushi-chan!’  _

  
  


______________

 

Oikawa walked towards Sugawara’s house. He was breathing slightly harder than he would have liked. Oikawa took one deep breath and knocked on the wooden door. Sugawara’s house was quite small but it was homey. Oikawa could smell the freshly baked cookies. It didn’t take long for Suga to open the door. Oikawa smiled at his friend. 

 

‘’Tooru! You are here! Come inside.’’ Suga greeted with a smile. There was flour on his shirt and face. The house smelled good and safe. It was a nice change for once. Oikawa walked inside and took his shoes off. He followed Suga to the kitchen and sat down on the chair.

 

‘’Suga thanks for having me. I have been having a rough week. And congratulations on your win. You are going to nationals now, right?’’ Oikawa said. He was surprisingly calm about losing in volleyball. Somehow it seemed such a normal worry it almost made him laugh. 

 

‘’Yeah. Our first years have been training their asses off. I’m really proud of them. Oh, the cookies are ready.’’ Suga said and took out the cookies. They smelled delicious. Oikawa’s mouth was watering a little. 

 

‘’Careful Tooru they’re hot.’’ Suga warned when Oikawa reached to take one. Oikawa smiled and pulled his hand away. 

 

‘’So tell me. What’s going on? You look really pale.’’ Suga said and sat across Oikawa. He looked at Oikawa, his eyes filled with worry. Oikawa took in a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts. 

 

‘’Well I have Hanahaki and it’s because Iwa-chan and he wants me to get the surgery but I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to die and I don’t know what to do.’’ Oikawa blurted out. Suga looked pretty confused and shocked. 

 

‘’I knew you are in love with Iwaizumi but you got Hanahaki? Tooru that’s bad.’’ Suga said, leaning closer. Oikawa wanted to laugh. Of course it was bad. 

 

‘’I know it’s bad. I don’t know..If I take the surgery, will I be able to stay friends with Iwa-chan? What will be left of me?’’ Oikawa asked. He honestly didn’t know. He dropped his gaze to his hands, hearing Suga sigh. 

 

‘’Tooru. You should take the surgery. I know Iwaizumi will want to be your friend even after that. You have been friends forever. I think he can’t imagine a world without you so he wants you to take the surgery.’’ Suga said. It made Oikawa feel slightly better. The burning in his chest was getting worse every minute. 

 

‘’Yeah.. I’m just scared if I’m still gonna be the same person. It will erase so many years of memories. Will it be okay?’’ Oikawa said. He was still worried but talking to Suga helped a lot. 

 

‘’It will be okay. Have you thought about confessing?’’ Suga asked suddenly. Oikawa just stared at him. What did he just say? Confess? He couldn’t confess. No way. It hurt more to be rejected than to just forget. Iwa would never return his feelings. He shook his head. 

 

‘’No I could never. I would rather die than be rejected by Iwa-chan.’’ Oikawa said, dead serious. He just couldn’t. 

 

‘’I understand. You fought with Iwaizumi didn’t you?’’ Suga asked. The look on Oikawa’s face told him that he hit the head of the nail. 

 

‘’I better go fix that before I go and take the surgery?’’ Oikawa asked. Suga nodded and stood up. 

 

‘’Go. I will spare the cookies for next time. The faster you get this done the better. Time is running out.’’ Suga said. Oikawa smiled and hugged his friend quickly.

 

‘’You are the best Suga! See you!’’ Oikawa shouted almost running out of the house. He needed to talk to Iwaizumi soon. He felt slightly more confident but had to stop running since the burning got stronger. 

  
  


_____________

 

Oikawa knocked on Iwaizumi’s door and waited. It took some time but after a while Iwaizumi came and opened the door. His heart was thumping against his chest. He was anxious. It was already past eight pm. Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi and the burning spiked. Iwaizumi looked tired. 

 

‘’Can we go for a walk Iwa-chan?’’ Oikawa asked. He took a step forward and Iwaizumi nodded, putting on his coat and shoes. They didn’t talk much on the walk to a park where they always played as kids. It made Oikawa feel nostalgic but he had to get things going. 

 

‘’Iwa-chan I’m sorry I shouted at you. I got mad and scared. I’m sorry.’’ Oikawa said and bowed. Iwaizumi looked surprised. Oikawa was stared at his shoes and waited for Iwaizumi to say something.  

 

‘’Shittykawa I didn’t know you could apologize. I forgive you.’’ Iwaizumi responded and crossed his arms. Oikawa lifted his head and beamed. 

 

‘’Iwa-chan I have decided…’’ Oikawa started but couldn’t finish. The burning got really bad and Oikawa started to cough. His hands were blocking his mouth and keeping the petals from flying around. Once he stopped coughing violently he heard Iwaizumi talk. 

 

‘’Oikawa you really need to get the surgery. It’s gonna be too late soon.’’ Iwaizumi said. He was starting to sound really tired. Oikawa couldn’t respond. He was looking at his hands and at the petals that laid there. 

 

‘’I’m sorry Iwa-chan.. It’s already too late..’’ Oikawa whispered. He showed his hands to Iwaizumi. There sat three beautiful white rose petals splattered with red spots. 

 

‘’I’m already coughing up blood.’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in next chapter there's gonna be many things that are hard to write and make seen good. If you see any things that seem weird just tell me! And thank you for reading! I never believed that there would be so many of you guys!! I promise that the last two are gonna come soon!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!!! This was so much harder to write than I thought! Thank you for staying with me :3 So here's the third chapter. Warning. Much angst

Oikawa was leaning on a tree now, holding himself up. Iwaizumi was staring at him, shell-shocked.

‘’Oikawa..’’ Iwaizumi whispered, taking a step forward wanting to hug his best friend. He wanted to wipe those tears away. 

‘’Iwa-chan. I’m so sorry. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.’’ Oikawa sobbed out. He was breathing heavily. 

‘’You are not gonna die Oikawa. Trust me. We will find a way. Who is the girl you are in love with?’’ Iwaizumi tried to keep his voice steady but was failing. Stepping closer Iwaizumi gazed at Oikawa. He looked beautiful against the dark sky. Dark hair that wind had messed up and cheeks red from crying and cold looked astonishing against pale skin. He was truly beautiful. 

Oikawa knew that he wasn’t going to survive to see another sunrise. He could feel the lump growing and forcing it’s way out. Tears swelled once more and he gulped. 

‘’Iwa-chan I’m so sorry. Please tell my family I love them and that I’m sorry I didn’t tell. Tell that to Koushi-chan too okay?’’ Oikawa sniffled out. Iwaizumi was looking horrified. Oikawa ruffled his hair and looked up to the sky. He saw one shooting star and it almost made him laugh. Some hope for him this late? How ironic.

‘’Oikawa you are not gonna die! Don’t give up on hope yet! You have time!’’ Iwaizumi was trying to reason. Oikawa could hear the worry and panic in his voice.

‘’Iwa-chan! I don’t have time. I can feel the lump growing and forcing it’s way out. I’m not gonna survive the night.’’ Oikawa said smiling little. He was surprisingly calm. He had come terms with his dying. 

‘’Oikawa I know it’s scary. I-I have hanahaki too. I know what you are going through but please please don’t give up!’’ Iwaizumi stuttered. Now everything was out there. Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa to find him gaping at him.

‘’What? Iwa-chan why didn’t you tell me?’’ Oikawa asked voice quiet. He was little mad but he felt numb otherwise. Terror of dying kept him numb and calm.

‘’I didn’t want to worry you.’’ Iwaizumi whispered and took a step closer to rub his hands against Oikawa’s. 

Oikawa was going to say something but a violent coughing fit stopped him. He felt the lump crawling up his throat. Oikawa could feel that this was it. He was going to be dead under five minutes. Iwaizumi was by his side in a second, patting his back. Oikawa kept coughing and it felt like his lungs were burning. Like his whole chest and throat were on fire. After what felt like an eternity he coughed up a whole rose, white splattered with red spots dyeing it partly red. Oikawa lifted his head to look at Iwaizumi, tears streaming down pale cheeks and mixing with blood. 

‘’I’m going to die now. I’m sorry Iwaizumi. I’m so sorry. Remember to tell my family that I love them. Tell my mom that I left her favourite sweets in my drawer. Tell Koushi that I’m sorry for not eating his cookies.’’ Oikawa said turning to Iwaizumi, letting the rose fall to the ground. 

‘’No no this can’t be happening. Oikawa...’’ Iwaizumi said, his whole body shaking even when Oikawa looked calm. He had accepted his fate long time ago. He had known deep down that he was not going to survive.

And then Oikawa did something he had wanted to do for so many years. Ever since grade school. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Iwaizumi’s. His bloody, chapped lips felt cold against Iwaizumi’s warm and smooth ones. It felt perfect. Aaah why he didn’t do this before?

‘’I love you Hajime.’’ Oikawa said with a smile. It was out now. And he was dying. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened tears falling down his face. 

‘’You stupid stupid Oikawa. I love you too. I have loved you for so long.. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You could have been saved.’’ Iwaizumi sobbed out, gently hitting Oikawa’s chest.

Oikawa couldn’t do anything but chuckle and bring Iwaizumi into a warm hug. 

‘’I guess we were really stupid. Both of us. But this means that you will be cured right? Please live for me too.’’ Oikawa muttered out. If something gave him comfort it was that Iwaizumi was going to live. 

‘’Yeah.. You stupid..’’ Iwaizumi said and hugged Oikawa back. He got everything he wanted but it was going to be taken away as soon as he got it. 

‘’I’m so happy that I got to grow up with you. I have no regrets. I got everything I ever wanted. If there was something I regret it would be not growing old with you and see a wrinkled Iwa-han.’’ Oikawa voiced out his thoughts.

He lifted his hand to hold Iwaizumi’s face with it. He caressed Iwaizumi’s soft cheek, a smile adoring his face once again. 

‘’I’m sorry Iwa-chan..Goodbye..Iwa-chan..I love you...’’ Oikawa whispered and pressed a slight kiss on Iwaizumi’s lips. 

Oikawa smiled one last time and then his legs gave out and the last thing he ever heard was Iwaizumi’s scream of his name and strong hands holding him as he took his last breath. Aa-ah he really was stupid.. He should have told him…

 

______________

 

‘’OIKAWA!!’’ Iwaizumi shouted while holding his best friend’s dying body. He was holding Oikawa tightly as he cried. At some point he had took out his phone and dialed Sugawara. For some reason he was the first one to come up in his messed up mind. 

‘’Iwaizumi-san?’’ He heard soft voice ask. 

‘’Oikawa.. h-he’s..dead..’’ Iwaizumi sobbed out. He was calmer now when the shock took over his mind. 

‘’What? Where are you? I’m gonna call 911 and bring his parents. Stay there. It’s going to be okay Iwaizumi-san.’’ Sugawara responded and Iwaizumi could hear the worry and panic in his voice. 

‘’I’m in a park close to my house. Please hurry. I’m holding him.’’ Iwaizumi said and then let the phone fall from his hands to the ground. He just let the tears drip down his face. After a few minutes he heard sirens in the distance. It was over. His life was over with Oikawa dying in his arms. 

 

____________

 

The funeral was surprisingly big. There were people Iwaizumi didn’t even remember ever seeing. Oikawa’s family was really big. There was at least twenty people from his family alone including some weird distant aunties. And of course the whole volleyball team was there alongside people from school. There were also people from other schools coming to say their goodbyes to Oikawa. 

The actual funeral was quick. Before even realizing what was happening Iwaizumi was carrying his best friends coffin across the cemetery to an open grave. He lowered the coffin down with long white ropes and stepped back. He was not feeling anything anymore. 

The priest was saying something but he did not hear it. He saw Sugawara leaning on his boyfriend’s shoulder, sobbing. He didn’t even have the energy to feel bad for him. At least he had someone to lean against. His only one was being buried before his eyes. 

Flowers were laid down on Oikawa’s coffin and Iwaizumi scoffed little. White roses looked so beautiful. And those beautiful flowers were what killed his love. He stared at the roses, wishing those flowers could bring back his sunshine. His Oikawa. 

They were walking towards a house where the reception for Oikawa was held. People started telling fun stories about him and smiling through tears. Iwaizumi didn’t talk at all. He was just sitting there, not even listening. Everything was just a numb whirl around him. Food didn’t taste like anything. He wasn’t feeling anything else than the huge void inside him. A void that nothing could fill. 

¨'Shittykawa I miss you..’’ Iwaizumi whispered, looking out of the window. What was he supposed to do after seeing his best friend and the love of his life die in his arms? Iwaizumi stood up and walked out. He couldn’t do this anymore. He could hear the talking and laughing even as he was walking towards his best friend’s grave. It would be his last time doing so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Funerals are so hard to write! I have written the last chapter already and I think I will post it tomorrow :3 Please leave a comment if you have something to say to me. Comments make me so happy :3


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!! SUICIDE!! You don't need to read this chapter if you are easily triggered by things like that but this will be a nice closure. And it's beautiful.

Iwaizumi was leaning on Oikawa’s tombstone. It felt cold against his back. The sky was getting darker but now it was painted with beautiful colours. Iwaizumi smiled while looking up towards the sky. His head was already going numb. 

 

Slowly, Iwaizumi reached to his pocket and took out a small keychain. It was shaped like an alien. 

 

‘’I thought you might want this one back. It was your favourite.’’ Iwaizumi said as he placed it next to him on the ground. He looked through his pockets and took out a small piece of paper and started to write. 

 

When he was done he carefully folded the paper into his pocket. To safety. 

 

‘’Hey do you remember when we used to run through cemeteries and try to find the oldest dead person before our parents would come and find us?’’ Iwaizumi asked. There was no one to listen but he hoped that Oikawa could still hear him. 

 

‘’I’m weaker than you think. How could you go and die on me?’’ Iwaizumi muttered. He was a little mad but it didn’t feel like anything. He was empty. His best friend was gone. And the worst thing was that he was the reason why he was gone. And here he still was. Alive. 

 

‘’I don’t deserve to live. I took you away. From your family. From your friends. From myself. You had an amazing career ahead of you. And you threw everything away because of me. Why couldn’t you listen to me little earlier?’’ Iwaizumi asked. He could feel the tears forming already. 

 

He reached into his pocket to pull out a sharp razor. He looked at it and his hands were shaking slightly. He could feel the tears fall down his cheeks. 

 

‘’I don’t know how to go on anymore. You left me behind.’’ Iwaizumi whispered. He lifted the razor to look at it. 

 

Slowly he lowered the razor to his wrist and pressed down. Carefully he slid it across his wrist, opening it. He switched hands and slit his other wrist open too. He laid back and thought what he had written on his note. 

 

_ I’m sorry mom, dad that I’m leaving you too. _

_ I just couldn’t imagine my life without Tooru. _

_ I love him. And I can’t live without him _

_ I hope you can stay strong. _

_ Help others that have to suffer like we had to. _

_ Help people.  _

_ So no one has to end up like me and Tooru. _

_ I tried to stay strong.  _

_ I really did. I just can’t anymore. _

_ He was my reason to live _

_ I know I’m selfish to go too but I just can’t go on without him. _

_ Live a long life everyone. For us. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ I love you all. _

_ -Iwaizumi Hajime _

 

The blood flowed out steadily. It wetted his pants and the ground he was sitting on. He knew that it was little twisted to die on his friend’s grave but it was only place he could do this. To be close to his best friend. 

 

He was slowly getting colder and his mind hazier. He was smiling and crying at the same time. It was a really comforting feeling to know that he didn’t have to try anymore. 

 

Iwaizumi could see Oikawa offering his hand and smiling. Telling him to take his hand and come home with him. It seemed like everything was the way it had always been. Oikawa was smiling and calling his name, urging him to get up and walk home with him. 

  
‘’Forgive me for what I couldn’t do.’’ Iwaizumi said as he took Oikawa’s hand and walked with him, away from his grave to somewhere warmer and safer. Somewhere with Oikawa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaaaah! It's done and my heart hurts. It was so heart aching to write this but it's finally done. I'm happy how this turned out and how I have gotten readers! Thank you everyone! This means alot to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I'm gonna be really bad at updating so I'm gonna say sorry already. It's gonna take couple weeks for me to get a new chapter up but bear with me. I try to update at least after two weeks. The angst is gonna start at the next chapter :3 Hope you liked it~ If you noted something weird please tell me and I will look into it. And huge thanks to everyone who read this million times for me and fixed mistakes. You guys are a blessing.


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